寂寞的心

不知为什么, 最近的心不是很好. 可能是想太多了吧.

朋友这个问题一直都在我的脑海里.以前的我, 很想做一个大家多向望的好朋友,一个可以容易交到朋友的人. 但是, 这并不简单. 当你越想做到的事, 他就越难做. 有时后, 真的会感到力不从心. 那时, 就会想自己的想法是不是错了, 是不是太刻意了.

也许, 我天生就是安静, 害羞, 没自信. 这个我想做到的事变的好难好难, 离我很远.

我的心好难受...

我..
好想把自己封闭起来.
好想让朋友都离开我.
好想这样把自己锁在自己的空间里.

我总觉得我和朋友之间有一道墙, 很厚的一道墙.
这道墙是我建的!

好矛盾啊!!!
想太多了吧. =)

人生中有好多事真的要看的很轻. 我相信明明中自有按排! =]

知己难寻..

知己难寻..

是我一个朋友提仪我写的. 对我而言, 我身旁的知己还真是没几个.

知己的定意是什么?
- 了解你的人?
- 当你失落的时后, 在你生旁陪着你?

hrm.. i oso dunno how to continue le. haha.. continue later. =)

Part 2

ok, i will write in english cuz of writing in chinese needs more time. haha..

For Mei,
Thanks for ur sms, silly. =) it makes me smile. haha.. i'm really ok... it's just some inner feelings of mine..

i do find it hard to find a bossom fren that understands me. mayb i dun like ppl to know much of e real me. maybe it's partially my part because i built a wall between me and my frenz. i myself oso find it hard to understand myself.

whenever i heard my frens saying about their buddies, i do envy them. haha.. i really dunno how to continue le lah.. =)

it's been long since i blog.

my work issue is pretty much settled. my last day is tml. finally e nightmare has ended and i'm awaiting a new gd future. haha..

one thing i cant bear is my collegues. they are very nice and we get along very well. i wonder if i will cry tml. haha.. better not, else it will b very ugly. haha..

once mon is over, i will have more time to enjoy myself. probably i will give myself a few weeks break before i continue on searching for a new one. pray hard that it's a gd one dis time. =)

one more thing, i no need to pay any money as they agreed to sack me. haha

dunno wat to blog le. haha. take care.

I Quit!

Today, near to the end of e day, i received an email. an email that made me super duper sad, lose even more of my little confidence. i cried on e bus, no matter how hard i try to control, tears juz kept rolling down. it's as if my soul is taken by some1.


the email is as follows:

-----Original Message-----
From: Sunny Chia
Sent: Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:09 PM
To: Alicia Lee Sook Ling
Cc: Eric Chua Buan Ann; Cally Sim; sanusi
Subject: One Month Probation Feedback
Importance: High

Hi,

As communicated, your performance todate have not been satisfactory and was probably attributed by the steep learning curb expected in this project. You have agreed to work harder and I'll have to load you more from now onwards as users will not be accomodative anymore after the past one month period of learning. Do give your best and hope to work with you till the end of your contract or longer, thanks.

Do come to me if you need further clarifications or help.

Cc. Just to inform you that Alicia will be giving another shot on the job and will review again after another month to see how she performs.

Rgds


after my sis's analysis, i feel much better. no longer that sad.

here's e analysis:
my TL is finding a scapegoat that's obviously me. the story goes like that
the guy before me, Kenny, made a big mess to the system. he cause the datas to go haywire and all. when he left and i take over, i discovered the problems and i asked my TL, only then he discovered that, for the past 2 mths, Kenny did alot to affect the system's performance. so during my 1 mth, i had a horrible time clearing Kenny's shit. the system is in a big mess now. users are complaining. if my TL were to help me, he will not cc the mail to my boss oso.

it's office politics. i'm just a pawn of his. i'm not cut out for the game. but he really dun seems like that. every1 is saying sunny is very gd de blah blah. is it really this case? i oso dun care le, i will tender my resignation tml. hopefully he will help me negotiate so that i no need to pay e compensation.

above are just assumptions... wat are ur views?

Feeling unappreciated....

Hi all,

i'm feeling not gd.... really really not gd... it's all abt work...

in short, what i'm doing is not appreciated by some1. i do feel sad, demoralised.. i'm that kind of person. easily affected by ppl's comment.

i know i'm not up to ur standard.
i know i'm slow in learning.

it's my 1st job and i get that kind of comment. i lost the confidence...

i lose!

Worn Out....

i'm super duper tired...
most of e days last week were OT days..

today, it's WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i work from 8.30 to 10.30 non-stop! even lunch oso.. i'm so tired..

do i have a choice? i dun think so.. let's hope tml will b gd. anyway, my TL is not that bad lah.. he's quite gd actually.

got to noe that my bitches are quite sick, take care of urselves k? :)

take care all my frenz!!!!